Bluebonnets

These pics are from a couple of weeks ago, but I still had to post them. My fave is the last one of Karis. I don't know if you can tell, but her eyes are almost the same color as the bluebonnets!

Is this just the sweetest face you've ever seen?! I know it's been so long since I've updated everyone with pictures, and I've had several asking for some...so here's another marathon blog. Life has been pretty crazy in the Rose house lately. Karis is growing so fast. She was almost 11 pounds at her 2 month visit, and now she's almost 3 months old. I think she's about 12 pounds or so right now. Her first smile was the day she turned 6 weeks old, and she's been all smiles ever since. She's a very happy baby and still fairly laid back, though she doesn't seem to like to be in her carseat too much. She sleeps pretty well at night, thankfully, and not all that much during the day, which I am still trying to figure out!
Caleb is 30 pounds and just a bundle of energy. He talks non-stop in long sentences and keeps us laughing with the funny stuff he says. The other day he was sitting on the floor playing, stood up and announced "Caleb go poop. Under table. Bring train"! So he proceeded to grab his train and walk under the table to do his business. Too funny. He's also helping me to understand why they call it the "terrible twos". Don't get me wrong - this stage is lots of fun, but it's also really hard. He's very strong-willed (hmmmm....somehow I think he comes by this one honestly!) and is not easily deterred from what he wants to do. Some days I feel like all I do is discipline and send the kid to time out. But I know that the consistency will pay off eventually. It is so amazing to watch him absorb everything around him. The other day I was reading my Bible and he pointed to it and said "Bible. Jesus." Then later that day in the car he said "Jesus Loves Caleb. Jesus Loves Mommy. Jesus loves Daddy. Jesus loves Karis". Filled my heart with joy.

Ok, so here's our sweet Karis - getting to be such a big girl already
Karis and Pappi - sorry I forgot to rotate the picture!
Caleb loves to play outside. Playdough, color wonder, crayons, and the new water table are his favorite activities. Our "backyard" is keeping him happy and occupied.
Thanks for this adorable outfit Aunt Janice!
My sweet babies!
LOVE this pic - this was a dress that I wore when I was a baby! And what is it about ruffled tights that are so stinkin' cute?!

Easter egg hunt in Mimi and Pappi's backyard. We scored big this year - there was cash in the eggs along w/some jellybeans!

Caleb turned 2 at the beginning of April. It was a sports theme. I made this yummy cookie cake - I was pretty impressed with myself :)
Caleb even had a bounce house...thank you Grammy!

Get Real Mondays

So, my best friend, Tanna, gets a lot of comments from people that read her blog and say that her life is perfect etc. So she challenged herself and others to start a "Get Real Mondays" post where we are just honest about our lives etc. Now I don't get comments like that about my blog, but maybe that's because I don't post often enough to get many comments of any nature. ;) Regardless, I've been thinking about it for a while - thinking about the need to be more vulnerable with others. I'm not always very good at that. So I thought I'd give this thing a try. It feels odd to me to blog about how I'm feeling because I don't really like the idea of having all kinds of people read my thoughts and feelings. To me that is fairly private. And I still believe that there are things that need to be kept to myself or at least saved for a one-on-one conversation with someone. However, I just feel burdened that I should blog about what's been going on with me over the past 5 days.
So here it goes:

A few months after Caleb was born, I started having some weird symptoms, lots of pain and stiffness in my joints, especially in my feet. It was really bad when I would get up in the middle of the night to feed Caleb, and at times I was afraid I was going to fall because it was difficult to walk. Eventually I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis and put on steroids and another med. The meds helped to a degree, and then my rheumatologist gave us an ultimatum: either get on the really strong meds or get pregnant w/in the year (if we are wanting to have more kids). Marc and I decided that it would be best to go ahead and finish having babies (atleast biologically), so that's how we ended up with 2 amazing children that are just 22 months apart. Anyways, I wouldn't change that for anything. During my pregnancy with Karis the rheumatoid went into remission (which it does for 75% of women during pregnancy), and we were so thankful for the relief. Marc and I started talking about praying and asking the Lord to take it away - that it wouldn't come back after Karis was born. My doctor had been preparing me that about 6-8 weeks postpartum I would have a bad flareup and need the strong meds (which I am very afraid of). Marc was asking the Lord for this, but I was having a hard time with it - I think because it's one of those things that hurts too badly if He says no.

So, fastforward, and I am now 3 1/2 weeks postpartum, and I have been having rheumatoid symptoms for about 5 days now, since last Thursday. It really took me by surprise. I just never thought it would come back so quickly after Karis was born. I thought I at least had the first 6 weeks. And so I have been grieving for 5 days, and scared to death for 5 days. Grieving because it seems as though I will have an autoimmune disease for the rest of my life. Grieving because it changes the direction of our lives. Scared because it's hard enough right now to take care of Caleb and Karis, but how will I do it when I can barely walk because I'm hurting so bad? Scared because I know that the RA meds are so strong and have some awful side effects. Scared and hurting. And I've kept this all to myself. The only person I've shared any of it with is Marc...until now.

I'm working on turning the grief and fear over to the Lord and just trusting Him with all of this - whatever it ends up looking like. I know that I can trust that whatever the Lord gives me is for my good. But I am also asking the Lord to take it away. I will continue to pour out my heart to him and ask Him to heal me, and I will wait for an answer. And whatever that answer is, I will trust that it is best. Because ultimately I want His will, not mine. But I think He wants His children to come to him and pour out their hearts and ask for what we think we need. And just like a good Father, He gives us what is best. He knows what I truly need. So if the symptoms get worse and I have moderate to severe rheumatoid for however many years, I know that I can trust Him in it. I just pray that I have the right attitude in the midst of the pain. I love the author Elisabeth Elliot. One of the most life changing phrases for me has come from one of her books. She says that in every situation, in every circumstance in life we have a choice of how we react. We can clench our fists at God and fight it and Him, or we can open both hands wide and accept, even embrace, what He gives us. I choose the latter. I choose to trust Him, hands open wide.

They're growing so fast

Sometimes I forget that Caleb isn't 2 just yet - he definitely seems older than he is in several ways. He turned 23 months old on Wednesday. But he is talking more than most 2 yr olds I know, and he's definitely been throwing the 2 yr old tantrums lately :) He is such a sweet boy and has been a big helper to me in many ways. He likes to help give Karis her pacifier, throw away her diaper, clean up his messes and many other things. It's also been a big challenge to have 2 kids under 2. We wake up in the morning and all 3 of us are hungry, both of them need their diaper changed, and both are crying b/c I can't do it all fast enough! I'll definitely be glad when Karis is old enough to get her on a schedule and I can stagger things a bit so that it's not so chaotic. Anyways, we've been loving this weather and have gone to the park to feed the ducks several times in the last week. Caleb loves the new stroller we got. It's a sit-n-stand, but the lightest one I could find (only 20 lbs when most are 40!) and it's more compact than the others. I love it! Thanks mom and dad, grandma and grandpa, and Kevin and Missy for the great gift!




He loves to give his big "cheese" face for the camera!
Caleb and his cousin, Grayson, wrestling. No one taught Caleb how to do this. How is it that boys just know how to tackle and wrestle?

Caleb also loves to get horsie rides from his daddy.
Another thing you don't have to teach boys to do - he just picked up the gun and knew to point and shoot!
Karis turned 3 weeks old on Thursday. She's doing well, still fairly laid back and sleeps pretty well. We've had a couple of scares with her, but she's ok. Last Saturday night she started spitting up and choking on it b/c it didn't actually come out of her mouth. So then she was choking and struggling to breathe and making this horrible noise. Anyways, she continued to have some trouble breathing for over an hour. But she never turned blue etc. We stayed up with her and debated taking her to the ER, but she eventually calmed down. Our pediatrician said that it's a form of reflux and that they will eventually catch their breath. She still does it and makes the noise like she's struggling to breathe, but I'm getting used to it, well sort of. As used to it as a mom can get, I guess. Anyhow, we are otherwise doing well and just trying to all get enough sleep! Karis doesn't seem to have a problem with that :)

2 weeks go by so quickly

Karis (rhymes with Paris) turned 2 weeks old yesterday. I seriously can't believe it's already been 2 weeks. She is such a joy, so sweet and cuddly and easy-going. I have been so thankful for this. Caleb has had a bit of a hard time adjusting to the changes, and I can't imagine what it would be like if she was high-strung. One of the books I read called this the "spirited baby", which most definitely described Caleb. He wanted to be held all the time, literally cried nearly every time I set him down, and he didn't like to sleep all that much. I think now that I see how things are with Karis I realize just how hard those first few months were with Caleb and how close I was daily to completely falling apart. I daily thank God that this time is easier. Don't get me wrong. Though Caleb was harder I cherish every moment of those early months with him, and I love him and Karis with a fierce kind of love I didn't realize was possible. I LOVE being a mom. I've had some great jobs, but staying at home with my children is absolutely the most rewarding and fulfilling one I've ever had.

Karis had her 2 week appointment today. She has grown a whole inch and gained a pound since we left the hospital. She's now 20 inches long and weighs 7 lbs 3 oz. She is beautiful and healthy!


Caleb loves to say "cheese" for the camera - love this expression! And Karis looks so tiny...

Caleb loves his sister so much. He is constantly wanting to hug and kiss her.

We're home! We came home yesterday afternoon - was a great Valentine's Day present to be able to take our sweet girl home and for our new family of 4 to all be together at home. Caleb is so sweet with her. He loves to just tell her hi and watch her. We have to be careful because he loves to give her hugs and kisses, but doesn't always understand the concept of being gentle :)

We've also learned that you don't have to tell a toddler that their life has completely changed when they get a new sibling. Last night I was talking to Karis and asking if she was hungry. All of a sudden Caleb just started crying and having a complete meltdown. He just kept saying "mine, mine" over and over. I thought maybe Marc picked up something that Caleb wanted. Finally Caleb walked over to his highchair and through his sobs and tears and desperate claims of "mine" I finally understood that he thought that Karis was going to sit in his highchair to eat! Poor kid. He was so upset b/c he thought I was giving Karis his highchair. We finally calmed him down and explained that the highchair is his and Karis is not going to sit and eat in it. Too funny - it was so hard not to laugh. I'm sure we'll have many more of those moments as Caleb adjusts to the changes.

Anyways, I was so excited - Karis sat in the swing for about 30 minutes last night so that I could eat and take my medicine. She just looked around - perfectly content. I was hoping for this since it's definitely harder w/2 and Caleb was not like this at all. Every time I set him down he just screamed. I'm very thankful that Karis seems pretty laid back so far. I got about 5 hours of sleep last night, which isn't bad - maybe I'll get more tonight :)
Here's a few more pics from the hospital. Nancy aka "Nana" and Stan - such a great pic
My best friends Tanna and Brittany came to visit!
One of my favorite pics of me w/Karis
A great one of Marc and Karis

I thought I'd post more pics of Karis. It's funny, sometimes she looks just like Caleb and I have a hard time remembering that this is my new little girl I'm holding, not Caleb as a newborn. We've had a really easy time so far, which I am so thankful for. I'm recovering really well and really quickly. I've been walking around lots today and am feeling pretty good. Caleb has also done really well. He's had so much fun with Gramps and Grammy and Mimi and Pappi. He loves his sister, but he doesn't like it when she cries. Caleb can be rough and tumble but he is also so sweet and sensitive.
Chillin in the sunny window with daddy - she has a bit of jaundice.
Such a sweet face. Those cheeks are deceiving. She's actually really tiny - those chubby cheeks just make her look like a chunk :)

My best friend Tanna made this onesie for me when we had Caleb since we didn't know until he was born if he was a boy or girl. I was so excited to get to use the girl onesie!!!
Birthday brownies!
Seriously, I have a picture of Caleb that looks exactly like this!
She has already found her thumb. I was up w/her pretty much all night last night - all she wanted to do was nurse. So I was glad when she found her thumb. We'll see if we get more sleep tonight.
LOVE this bow hat the hospital gives the girls!